my old country house

Goodbye Sweet Girl – Goodbye

Our sweet dog Muffin died today. Phoebe and I were home and something went very wrong . A seizure maybe. But two hours earlier she had gobbled down a bowl of scrambled eggs I had made her.

We made her comfortable and petted her and brushed her and I told her she was my good girl and that I loved her. Over and over . And then she was gone .

After my husband had taken her to the vet for cremation – (that is a sentence I did not think I would be writing tonight ) I heard the “beep beep beep” of the coffee maker telling me that it was turning off – which it does automatically after 2 hrs. I had made the coffee just before I found muffin in the hall where she had collapsed and I thought   – “In those two hours , I watched Muffin die”

i know from experience that this will hurt less as time passes that right now I am in the “always on the verge of tears ” phase … it does not seem real . I keep seeing her.

I remember the week we got Muffin, 12 years ago and  all of us came down with the flu . My husband was out of town and one by one each of the kids was felled by the flu and then it was my turn – and I also got strep throat. And I had a tiny puppy that needed to be housebroken and getting off the sofa was impossible for any of us. At that time my oldest was 8.

All I wanted to do was sleep and I had read that if you tied a piece of yarn or string around your wrist or ankle and the other end to the puppy’s collar that when they woke up to relieve themselves , you would feel the slight tug and wake up to take them out. Except I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night not because of the tug but because I knew I was going to throw up. I was sleeping downstairs  on the sofa so I would not have to go far to take baby Muffin outside. So when I jumped up to run to the bathroom I was disoriented and I also had a puppy tied to my ankle and I was trying to run and vomit and untie her at the same time. It was a mess. A pathetic mess.

I don’t know why that memory surfaced and more why I shared it except to say that I feel very much that mess right now . I am just so sad.

And I keep seeing her go.

Thank you to all those who left messages on my Facebook and Instagram . In this. Day of abbreviated and disconnected compassion – it means the world to me . It truly does.

Goodbye my sweet girl. I love you . Thank you for your unconditional love and for spending your whole  life  with us. We will cherish the memories forever. 

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29 thoughts on “Goodbye Sweet Girl – Goodbye

    1. Thank you Suzanne – Muffin LOVED you!!! Remember how she climbed in your lap and refused to get off the sofa. Just remembering it makes me smile and cry…I am glad you knew her. xo

  1. Oh Lesli I am so, so sorry. Muffin was so incredibly lucky to have had you all as her loving family. As hard as this is now, know that Muffin passed with so much love wrapped around her.

  2. We lost our big boy on Monday after 11.5 years…yesterday morning I swore I heard him barking in the kitchen…I know just how you are feeling —so sorry for your loss.

    1. I am sorry for your loss…yes, I expect to see Muffin meeting my car when I pull in, or beg in the kitchen…and barking at invisible things at night …I just miss her as I know you do your boy. sending hugs. xo

  3. I’m very sorry to hear of Muffin’s passing. Would it help to know that you gave her a wonderful life while she was here, and now she is romping through fields of bacon chasing squirrels to her heart’s content.

  4. My heart breaks for you Lesli right now, I am so sorry. I lost my sweet baby seven months ago and the place that she held in my heart will never be filled (her name was Phoebe), so I empathize with you and your dear family. Little Muffin is watching you from a beautiful and happy place now.

    1. Thank you Lynne and I am so sorry you lost your Phoebe. You know, we have experienced a fair amount of loss over the last 10 years – my Mom, My Dad, my husbands Dad and my sister in law…all were brutal…but I think because Muffin was IN our every day life, a part of the fabric of our home – the loss is felt deeply and noticed acutely. I know it gets easier…I am just in the “I wish I had one more hour” place ….it will pass…Thank you xo

  5. Lesli, I am so sorry to hear of Muffin’s passing. I too had a Muffin when I was growing up and she meant the world too me. You always get to hear our stories of beloved pets when you paint their portraits and your always so kind and understanding. I especially remember that when I had you paint Berkeley & told you his story. You were so sweet & I treasure his portrait as well as Lucy’s. I know there is nothing that anyone can say or do, but you have a community praying for you and your family. Many hugs.

  6. I just lost my 10 year old Wylie a Westie/Scottie mix on Thursday to liver cancer. I have lost 2 dogs (Goldendoodle) in 4 months. I’m wondering if my broken heart will ever heal. Unfortunately grief is the price we pay for our dogs unconditional love. May our memories sustain us during this difficult time.

  7. So, so, very sorry for your loss. I’m sure Muffin misses you as much as you do her. So hard to lose our fur-kids. A big hug for you from someone who’s been there, more than once.

  8. I’m so sorry about Muffin, Lesli! Such a hard time losing your fur-baby. They really wiggle their way into our hearts and families, don’t they. You’re in my thoughts.

  9. dear dear Lesli, you’ve been on my heart. I am so sad that your Muffin has passed on, but you will see her again. What we love can never fully be taken away.
    xox

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