How is it possible that I cannot remember whether or not I locked my car 20 minutes ago – but I can recall – in detail – every single moment of this day – Twenty years ago – the day that at 11:22 – my Phoebe Holiday – my only daughter was born.
She lights of my world.
And from the moment our eyes met for the very first time – it was if we said …
“FINALLY! – Here you are! I have been looking for you forever and ever.”
She arrived 2 weeks early – a personality trait – engraved in stone – and demonstrating early her tenacity and determination to be the first in line and to keep up with her big brother.
Their relationship – as well as her true friendship with her younger brother bring me such joy.
It is a funny thing. Having kids. Out of the gate you are more prepared than you ever will be – having read the books – and then they get here – and you realize that they will be the ones to teach you. That everything you need is in their eyes, their tiny hands – their ever moving bodies. I used to miss my babies while they slept – and watched their slumbering faces – noticing things that were impossible to see when they were awake and in motion. A dimple. Their grandfathers’ chin. It is all so simple and yet disarmingly and overwhelmingly complex and at times I have been brought to my knees by the enormity of it.
And then – they are grown. They turn 20. and alI you can do –
All I can do – is smile. And breathe. and Cry – just a little. Because it all went just so so fast.
In a blur.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHOEBEXOXOXOXO