The aging ailing parent thing IS so sad. I often think “HOW can I love my children so much and then leave them like that in the end?” horrifying. so mostly, I just don’t think about it.
It is what it is.
I have come to see “it is what it is” as new, some say- improved “whatever”, just a way or a phrase to basically say, “there is nothing more to say or no words to make this make sense or change one single thing about it” so, “it is what it is” whatever.
so I got a puppy. It was not a thought-out decision. well, yes, I thought about it for about the length of a soccer game while this soft yellow 4-pound lump of shivering warm fluff, lay snuggled inside my down vest. against my chest. I went from, “it’s my turn to hold that puppy!” to “I cannot possibly imagine anyone else getting to feel this puppy and how good he makes me feel, he’s mine!” A soccer Mom had brought a litter of puppy’s, half lab/half something like a collie/lab mix, to a soccer game. A cruel, or perhaps brilliant sweet trick. and It worked. Four of us moms, with kids too big too cuddle anymore and way too much on our plates to take on a puppy or in my case, way too many dogs, yet, we fell hard and happily into the puppy pit and left with blissful faces and warm chests with our new babies, ready to nurture and love and be the one with the puppy, for the length of time that a puppy stays a puppy, which is never, ever, long enough.
…….and here is the thing..it must be me,
and maybe it is a combination of me and this particular puppy, but I am over the moon, miss him while he sleeps, IN LOVE with this puppy, this dog. It is like the awakening I had when I had my firstborn – Tate.
I’d think – “OH MY GOD! Is THIS what people have been getting to feel every day! THIS MUCH love!!!”
I was in awe and jealous of every minute before I got there all at they same time.
So all those times people have been nuts about their dogs and I have thought, “I don’t get it. I’m a cat person” – NOW I get it. He is my pal. He does not talk back. He lives to love. He makes me laugh. I get sad that at best he will only be here with me for 12 or so years, already……I miss him already.
Like my Mom. and one day, my Dad. It is what it is.
Life is not meant to go on forever and ever. It is meant to be lived, every day, every moment, like a gift, like a package that you get to open over and over again and if you choose to toss it away, and say “I have that already”, or “not what I wanted” – well – THAT is your choice, you make it what it is. And this puppy, this little yellow dog that will probably end up looking a bit like a skinny Heinz 57 mutt-puppy, he is my sweet buddy and I am so happy I put him in my jacket and did something completely stupid, for once, something that made no sense except that it made me feel really REALLY good. I could write him a song, I love him THAT much. Even the cat likes him! He has made us all nicer. more gentle, more patient, less picky and nit-picky, just in the moment happy. Happy. Happy.
It is what it is…