Deja Vu –
Here we are again – the Red and green bins are hauled out again (did I not just pack them away?) , the tree is up, the cards are ordered, both earlier than ever this year…Happy Holidays are upon us…and NEVER have I been more ready and less prepared…at the same time.
It was so easy, when they were small and their hands, little fists really, tucked easily into mine like a puzzle piece and I could fill a shopping cart for $100, wrap it up, or not wrap it up… and Christmas would be done. Sometimes they favored the boxes and the candy canes…but I could rest assured that smiles would erupt Christmas morning…amid the squeals and racket…and it would feel…so very…
…so very Christmassy.
Those magical early years – when everyone believed…and thrills were cheap…are behind me now and any attempts to recapture the first glass of wine fresh buzz …are fruitless…the nauseating over-indulgence, over shopping is followed by a sharp dip in spirits and I cannot wait to just pack it away and get back to Real life.
This year, all I want to give my children for Christmas is Peace. On Earth. In their Hearts. And more like the Wizard in Oz than the man in the red flannel suit…I want to give them keys to unlock the things they already have…
I want to give my First born son College First year Faith that his dreams are all going to come true, even if they materialize differently that he imagines…or imagined all along they would and into his stocking, I will stuff the confidence to open his mind to new dreams…should they fit better.
I want to give my only daughter middle child, keeper of the peace… High School Senior Acceptance..to college…to the next step…and tell her that she will indeed be somewhere next year…and she will be over the moon in love with WHERE ever that ends up being and maybe even a boy. And this waiting game will be a distant memory…possibly even a good one.
I want to give my High School Freshman, my brilliant and slightly cynical, thoughtful third born son Hope that things will get better…feel more comfortable and less strange and idiotic and make him know that while much of a day is a colossal “waste of his time”…his TIME is whatever he makes it, or dreams it to be…and help him know that he holds the key to all of it…right in his pocket…and always has.
Peace. Faith. Acceptance. Hope
I would break the bank if I could buy these things. But then, what fun would that be? Life is precious and it is meant to be lived. Not bought. But Experienced…. Life is a pearl necklace of days…infinitely better when LIVED and strung together to add up to something beautiful and unique.
All I can really give them, and ALL they really NEED is my LOVE…and that I have in abundance.
so I guess my shopping is done? right.