This is my 8th Christmas with My Old Country House
Every Christmas for the last 5 years I have shared my wish for Christmas. Not surprising – it is always the same.
This will be the last Christmas where I have a child living at home/ So very Much is going to change in 2019 – that I can only stay firmly rooted in the present – NOW – knowing that I will know what to do when I get there and the last thing I want to do is rush the process by agonizing over the changes ahead. Its life.
Deja Vu –
Here we are again – the Red and green bins are hauled out again (did I not just pack them away?) , the tree is up, the cards are ordered – but have yet to arrive – and this year – for the very first time in 25 years – I did a “New Years” card. I am less ready than I ever have been – life has run the show.
It was so easy, when they were so small and their hands, little fists really, tucked easily into mine like a puzzle piece and I could fill a shopping cart for $100, wrap it up, or not wrap it up… and Christmas would be done. Sometimes they preferred the boxes and the candy canes…but I could rest assured that smiles would erupt Christmas morning…amid the squeals and racket…yes, some tears and it would feel…so very…
…so very Christmassy.
Those magical early years – when everyone believed…and thrills were cheap…are behind me now and any attempts to recapture the first glass of wine fresh buzz …are fruitless…the nauseating over-indulgence, over shopping is followed by a sharp dip in spirits and I cannot wait to just pack it away and get back to Real life.
This year, all I want to give my children for Christmas is Peace. On Earth. In their Hearts. In their lives. In the world. And more like the Wizard in Oz than the man in the red flannel suit…I want to give them keys to unlock the things they already have…
I want to give my First born son Faith that he is ready to graduate College in just 5 short months, his dreams have come true (He got his DREAM job!!!) and he is ready to start his new life in the Big Apple come Sept 2019!!! (I made the exact same journey all those MANY years ago – fresh out of college) – his dreams have materialized differently that he imagined…the new dreams… they fit So MUCH better. He is on his way.
I want to give my only daughter middle child, keeper of the peace… College Junior Acceptance..of the messes of life. That spontaneous plans can be just as fun. … and wish her safe travels as she spends Spring semester in Australia. Their laid back approach to life is exactly what her college-weary body needs. She has the adventures of a lifetime ahead of her this year!!! And I have to figure out how to survive 5 months with her so far away .
Then, in June, I’m gonna go get her!!!
I want to give my High School Senior, my brilliant and thoughtful third born son – Hope- that things are going to work out just the way they are supposed to – that he WILL go to college SOMEWHERE…and that this time next year he will be a seasoned , exhausted college Freshman – studying engineering .
Peace. Faith. Acceptance. Hope
..and for myself – PATIENCE – the next chapter will be here soon enough. My children are ready to fly and I am ready to FLY – to travel and for my husband and I to pick up where we left on when we boarded this roller-coaster 22 years ago. I can’t wait to go places and NOT know what is on the other side. I am so excited – I almost can’t sleep!
I would break the bank if I could buy these things. But then, what fun would that be? Life is precious and it is meant to be lived. Not bought. But Experienced…. Life is a pearl necklace of days…infinitely better when LIVED and strung together to add up to something beautiful and unique.
All I can really give them, and ALL they really NEED is my LOVE…and that I have in abundance.
so I guess my shopping is done? right.