old country house blog

APARTMENT THERAPY AND The FOUR AGREEMENTS

ABOUT A MONTH ago I was checking my BLOG stats and noticed that
the traffic to my blog had nearly tripled in two days.
According to Google AnalyticS 
the traffic was coming from
where there was an article
about my TWIN BED SCORE And subsequent MAKEOVER
I was so excited to be on a site as BiG as APARTMENT THERAPY.
I might have even done a little jig!
But the party took a turn when
when I opened up the Comments section.
In all fairness, there were many comments I got that were highly complimentary
and even some of the more negative comments, were more along the lines of 
“Not my thing, but hey, it’s her house”.
AND I had many cheerleaders.
But some comments were pretty tough to take…
or understand? 
Slapping white paint on veneered wood like that should be a crime, 
no matter how nicely executed.”


Do they mean I should go to jail?
I pretty much stayed out of it as
I did not think the issue warranted any of my time….
Everyone has a right to their own opinion…right?
But it did…fascinate me.
My Best friend and I were discussing the 
 POWER
real or perceived
Anonymity gives a person 
to say and do things they would 
BE 
MUCH LESS LIKELY 
TO DO in person.
when she reminded me of a study we saw in Nursing school…
There were two people on either side of a table…divided by a screen. 
One person had a button which was connected to a buzzer 
which was 
attached to the other person. 
When the button was pressed, 
it would elicit an electric shock to the other person. 
They did the experiment WITH and WITHOUT the screen. 
 When the screen was removed, and the two subjects could look eye to eye
The button person was less likely to press the buzzer, 
But when the screen was replaced…the story was different.
They could shock the other person with less resulting distress of their own.
The information gained was that people are much more able to hurt 
when they can NOT SEE to the victim…
hence, they have more empathy.

 Despite links on Apartment Therapy 
to my blog and ME and MY HOUSE
99.9% of the negative comments 
….were left on APARTMENT THERAPY ONLY 
where 
was just a few pictures of my daughters room.
With increased exposure and traffic to my blog…
…will come BOTH the positive and negative comments.
 And I  am developing compassion, a sense of humor and when need be…
a thicker skin for the latter.
and when in doubt…
I always consult the 
4 Agreements 
These, along with the good old fashioned “GOLDEN RULE”  do not proclaim to
 compete with any religious or spiritual beliefs…but simply enhance them.
 1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using Words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Words in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.


My husband bought me the FOUR AGREEMENTS book by don Miguel Ruiz for Christmas years ago, and 
FOR ME, they work to help me stay grounded in what really matters.
 and focused on MY PART in any Interaction
and especially when feeling defensive or hurt, they help me remember that
HOW I respond is the only thing I CAN control.


Anyway, It is all a learning experience isn’t it?
 And every day I am amazed at how much I learn from others. 
Like YOU!
I would love to her how you deal with Criticism.
How you handle negative comments ?
and Positive ones?



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18 thoughts on “APARTMENT THERAPY AND The FOUR AGREEMENTS

  1. I don’t think I have ever heard of the 4 agreements, but most definitely needed to. Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear you got some negativity from Apartment Therapy. I tend to avoid that website because of too much non-constructive criticism.

  2. AT readers are harsh. I sometimes wonder what kind of people leave such rude comments. I enjoy being featured on larger sites but it’s hard. My readers are so stinking nice. I know a project is a fail not because of rude comments but because of a lack of comments. Blog readers are nice enough to just say nothing instead of being hurtful. I think it’s especially hard when you share a part of your home with the outside world. Your home is a very personal space. As you can probably tell, I’ve had a rough few weeks with an outside feature.

    I LOVE the room. You did a fantastic job!!

    1. Yikes, I saw your piece and the meanies made me cringe. What is wrong with some people? It would just never occur to me to be so mean to someone for something they clearly poured their heart and soul into. EVEN if it made me want to barf! Your site and your whole aesthetic is wonderful and SO relatable. Oh well, Like my Mom used to say “Screw em!” you have an amazing attitude and you made me feel better!!!Cant wait to keep up with your success!

  3. First of all, I love that book. I read it long ago – it is so true! I’m sure it’s still not pleasant when someone is just plain snarky. There are many times when I’m looking at blogs that I don’t really like what the person did or maybe it just wasn’t my thing – but I just leave it at that. Why be negative and rain on their parade? Doesn’t do them or me any good. “Can’t say anything nice.. yada yada yada..” But how exciting to be featured on Apt. Therapy! Congrats! BTW, I love what you did to the beds and the room. :o)

    1. Not to over sell it, but the 4 agreements really changed my life. AND it was a wonderful TOOL for my Husband and I to improve our communication, giving us a frame of reference, an objective party if you will, when we would hit a “BUMP”. Thanks for the Kind words!

  4. I really like the 4 agreements. Thanks for sharing them. I’m sorry for your bad experience, but you definitely took the high road. You have beautiful style … in house and spirit. 😀

  5. Ouch. Sorry my dear but glad you got through it. I never heard of said agreements but will definitely be using em. A similar thing happened to moi when a recent project of mine was posted over at Design Shuffle. Great feedback mingled with scathing feedback (about the room’s color) and I definitely had to grow a thicker skin, especially if we’re gonna survive in this blogosphere.

  6. I think that many times the people leaving those negative comments have serious problems and their comments really having nothing to do with the post itself. They are trying to make themselves feel better by being in control and dominating a situation through the anonymity of the computer screen. It’s really kind of sad. But it still hurts and I’m sorry you had to experience that.

  7. I think that many times the people leaving those negative comments have serious problems and their comments really having nothing to do with the post itself. They are trying to make themselves feel better by being in control and dominating a situation through the anonymity of the computer screen. It’s really kind of sad. But it still hurts and I’m sorry you had to experience that.

  8. This is the first post i have ever written even though i have skimmed through many many blogs and loved heaps of them. I am thinking of starting my own blog and i am flat out going to ignore anyone who was not taught the manners that we should all be raised with. I like your room but even if i didn’t I dont have it in me to be abusive to someone else about their choices. Good luck – keep on keeping on.

    1. Thank you so much and good luck on YOUR blog. I think I thought I was tougher than I turned out to be, when the actual comments came in, but you know, I think everything is for a reason, and the whole experience made me stronger and more committed than ever to putting POSITIVE things out there. xo

  9. that is how i found your blog!!
    i love your work on your daughters room
    your whole house for that matter

    AT commenters are harsh
    but in rereading some of the comments
    i realize the commentators ended up arguing amongst themselves
    and
    most of the comments were positive
    and
    those who didn’t like the results
    weren’t rude about it
    as you have mentioned

    i am going to purchase the four agreements
    never heard of it
    but i believe it will do me some good

    thanks for your beautiful blog
    diane

    1. Thank you Diane….and I agree, the comments are really for each other, or I think they would come over to my blog and enlighten me. And you highlight a common issue I have discussed with other bloggers…sometimes one negative comment can take all the fun out of 100 good ones. Should it be that way? of course not. That gives the negativity too much power. And my work as a person and a blogger is to try to give them all an appreciative nod but move beyond. I think I stayed pretty above the silliness on AT, but my blog is where I can spill it more, to my “buds” be more open and that is why i SO appreciate a thoughtful comment like yours.!! Thanks!!!xo

  10. Lesli, I read the book years ago and the tenets stuck with me as well .. so very practical and appropriate. It is also interesting because I saw your photo on AT a while ago and thought it was sad to see harsh comments about such a gorgeous end result. Yet so many internet commenters are harsh, whether they be on AT or elsewhere. Pandemic negativity seems to be a sign of the times? I do not have a blog, yet would have a rough time with anonymous negativity as my skin is not thick at all, nor do I want it to be! lol. Hang in there dear. Love your site.

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