MOTHER’S DAY 1995 – I remember when this photo was taken. I remember this day more than I remember days last week…I was home visiting my family for Mother’s day and we went out to brunch. My sister-in-law was expecting the first grandchild which gave the day and extra special feel. But true to form, my Mom was getting on my nerves….I cannot remember why..but I can feel the knot in my stomach as I write. Then, the knot leaves as I remember my Mom…all the good parts…the way you do when someone is no longer there…to get on your nerves.
My MOM passed away in 2007. My youngest was 7 and my eldest 11. They were old enough to know she was not coming back and young enough to still need me to be the Mom in charge…which kept me nice and busy and distracted and too preoccupied with present needs to dwell on the depth of the loss. It upset my kids to see me so sad so I learned to hold it in as best I could until they were at school, asleep, not there. I wrote a lot in the early days…and then I just drifted off into living which was the only thing I knew how to do…. My youngest started first grade…life took on that brisk mind numbing clip that happens with school age children, The routines, repeating days and years…blurring all together until another event serves to mark the time…more loss…more joy…more school…vacations…more years…and we plow forward.
Long after my Mom had died, I used to pick of the phone to call her… all the time… but oddly enough I would dial an old number, 3 numbers before…back to the last house of her own…a house where good memories had been made …The house where she lived when we gave her a onesie that said “Grandma’s reason to shop!!!” …wrapped in a package for Christmas . She opened the package and nodded…amused…not getting the clue that I was expecting my first child … but instead thinking the reference was to my 3 month old niece…and we said “NO MOM!!!!” and then she GOT IT.
I LOVE MOTHER’S day. I had a great Mom and that I AM a Mom to 3 AMAZING kids and 3 AWESOME God children and for one day…our busy world slows down long enough for life to come into focus. I love being a Mom. I wish my Mom could see how wonderful my children have grown…but she knew they would the day she met them…because she knew me…and loved me…kids and for one day…our busy world slows down long enough for life to come into focus. I love being a Mom. I wish my Mom could see how wonderful my children have grown…but she knew they would the day she met them…because she knew me…and loved me…
…her only daughter… to pieces.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!