old country house blog

WITH LOVE

                                                   Yesterday I wrote a post

about how it felt to let down my son, 
I got him to a birthday
party late.
14 minutes late.
But in that 14 minutes the party had started without him.
No one was home.
They had gone to the baseball game
without him. 
I did eventually get him there, parked illegally
ran in and bought he and I a ticket so that I could get him
to his friends.
But it was already too late.
the party had started. 
The boys had already been to the dugout with the team
gotten signed balls 
and posters.


The boys wanted to know why Cooper was late
and some of the boys
his best friends
wanted to know why Cooper was always late
perhaps having heard their parents
lament the fact of my frequent
 if not always 
tardiness. 

He came home and broke my pencil…

perhaps a symbol of the distractions that make me late…
And I was reminded that I had gotten off track terribly.
That in my efforts to 
perhaps do too much
I had forgotten that the most important job I have
is being a Mom.
I got a number very supportive comments and emails from friends
and from people I have never met.
And I got a few comments that were a bit hard to hear.
The hard to hear ones cut deep to my biggest insecurities….
those of being a Bad Mom…
….of hurting my children
indirectly with my actions.
Letting them and myself down.

I consulted a friend who has a very successful blog…

“How do you deal with the negative criticism?”
and the biggest advice she had…. 
the thing that stuck with me 
is to 
Deal with Everything with Love.
So, I erased yesterdays post 
…because when I read it and re-read it
…it was Not written with Love.
It was written in frustration and anger and confusion…
as to why the situation had gotten so out of control.
It was in a way, very selfish of me to look for support
when I was the one who had been late.
again.
Yes, the validation that I am only human,
 was nice and is important to remember…
but then if my actions are because I am human and make mistakes…
…well then,  so are everyones. 
We are ALL human.
We were ALL human.
Deal with Everything and Everyone with Love. 

I guess that there are some days

like this past Friday,
Friday the 13 in fact,
 that are put there to remind 
me of what is important, that I have a job to do.
I am doing the best I can but 
true, I could do better. 
I could rethink my priorities and 
take a deep breath and remember that in a few short years
the kids will be gone and I can whole heartedly
throw myself into me.
But some days. I just miss me.
I love my kids to death….
I would throw myself in front of a moving Train for them
….but I miss who I was when I was more patient,
more prompt and more creative,
more focused and less frazzled.
       My teens are doing so many incredible things
they are becoming the most Amazing people
…and they are pulling away just like they should.
It leaves my hands a little empty, 
and it could seem as if I have
more time on my hands 
than I actually do….
…because they need now me more than ever
 to be the Steady Ship
that steers them through
 the minefield of
Adolescence.
They need me to be on time.
They need me to be there, with Love.
And all of it, every single inch.
the good, the bad and the ugly
even this blog
 is better 
when
at the core, the foundation
is Love.
All you need is Love.


Have you LOVED someone today?
How do you deal with difficult situations?
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8 thoughts on “WITH LOVE

  1. Wow! well written, (I am a single mom as you know),so I definetly can relate to the feeling of who I was. Having kids (or in my case a child)is the best “job” & most important one. The reward is seeing how your kids grow and what they become the “pay off” When I hear the comments of his teachers and other stating how good he behaves and how loving he is, I often say, “wow he really is listening” and here I thougt I was yelling to a child that acts death when I talk or get to fussing at times. I love as hard as I can everyday not just my son, but everyone. I show it in my actions put others first and treat others above and beyond sometimes the way they treat me, with love and respect. Because you never know when or who you will need. So I think that every difficult situation is positive, remain calm and pray. But with every difficulty in life it is a lessoned learned, you can choose to ignore the lesson or you can choose to take note think of how situation could of worked out differently if you had of done such and such differently, so that when faced, IF faced with the situation again you can know what to do. Everyday is a lessoned learned in my opinion. Enjoy it, laugh at it, and pick yourself back up, because if you are lucky you’ll do it all over again the next day!

  2. Lesli,
    I was away over the weekend so I missed your last post, but from what I’ve read on this one, it sounds like your day was HARD, and I’m so sorry. We all make mistakes, we will all forget something (more than once.) I’m sorry you were hit with what sounds like tough criticism and thankfully some words of support! Your friend was very wise to suggest handling it with LOVE! Your love for your kids shows in so many ways, the photos you take, the time spent on the couch with a sick one, the words you write. Keep loving and keeping it real…..
    dee dee

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