old country house blog

TOO OLD FOR DIY…OR JUST TOO TIRED…or too MOM

I DO NOT make a habit of venting my frustrations in this blog. It makes me uncomfortable…words are powerful and I don’t want to BE the words I speak in a LOW moment. Once, in my 20’s, I spent a whole night, ripping up all of my old journals, which told the sad tales of boyfriends lost..broken hearts. Just on the off chance that one day…they would be found…and I might be defined by them.

Defined as my Sad self.

BUT

I am in the homestretch of the Kids Bathroom.Painting, caulking,sanding, and more caulking.

I am exhausted and my fingers are raw. My back is screaming at me.

I feel like, lately anyway, that my whole life is doing things and then stopping to be a Mom.

Instead of the other way around…

 No ONE part of my life is getting a good version of me. I am impatient with my children and go to bed sad that I have let them down. I have not painted in 3 weeks. I have Pet Portraits waiting for me…I feel resentful and I wonder what my husband would do, if he did not work for 3 weeks.

Freak out maybe.  I wonder.

In order to SAVE, I have been gopher , running to the store…gathering supplies, cleaning up the sawdust…and now I am doing all the finishing work so we can get the bathroom up and running.All I want is to PAY someone to do it. Gone, in all the raw split fingers and children telling me “You are always Mad!!!”…gone , long gone is the JOY of doing it myself.

and I have truly begin to wonder…am I too old for all of this?…or at the wrong stage of life? Even entertaining the thought gives me a rush of such sadness and resentment…and guilt

that My dreams…

or the chasing of them there-of…does not seem to gel well, with my Major role of Mother…

While My Husband has chased his dreams all along.

What would happen if I just stopped….all of it, did none of it.

Would anyone even notice or care.

If a Mom screams in the woods…does it make a sound?

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20 thoughts on “TOO OLD FOR DIY…OR JUST TOO TIRED…or too MOM

  1. A very wise and slightly older friend once told me: Know when to relax your standards and ask for help.

    I don’t want to plague you with platitudes but I know exactly how you’re feeling and it sucks. Sometimes I feel like we have spent our only child’s entire childhood remodeling/decorating houses or doing yardwork. Mom guilt is huge and the push-pull to do it all is strong. But give yourself a break, call in some pros then ask for help and forgiveness and make them some waffles in the morning. And you can be sure our kids will either love or loathe home improvement when they’re adults!
    Your much older friend,
    Susan

  2. I understand you!
    Maybe if you could tell all this to a loving someone, face to face… you could free yourself of all the stress and be YOURSELF again.

    Go Lesli!!

  3. I hear you!! During our three-year renovation, I stop at least 6 or 7 times a day to help my husband do something that can last 1 minute or two to four hours. We will have a beautiful house, but I may have developed ADD by the time we are finished. I’m so tired of the dust and all the details. (And, yes, my hands are a mess, too.) Sometimes it’s hard to be talented enough to say, I’m not hiring anyone to do that because I can do it myself. I’d love to have it all finished. I’m trying to keep perspective in thinking that I have a talented husband and I am talented enough to complete most of this house renovation ourselves. I can’t imagine the people who can’t afford to hire anyone and have no talent to complete it all. God bless your talent, imagination and abilities. Keep your eye on the prize and that is the sense of accomplishment you will feel when you are Finished.

  4. Home Renovation makes us crazy!
    So don’t take it personally…and know this, too, shall pass.
    When it’s over, for years to come, you can smile and admire your accomplishment!
    For now, take a nice long hot bath in lavender bath salts. Go to bed early…You’ll be ready to tackle another project soon I bet!

  5. It was SO ironic to read your post this morning as I have struggled with very similar bits & pieces over the past week. Thinking of you & sending prayers for direction & patience. Your talents are amazing & a gift to you. If only there were 26hrs in a day……think of all the things we could get done!? Reese & Woody send dog hugs. 😉

  6. I am with you kiddo. I am 67 – the profile pix is 15 year old at least. Last week a Little Giant Ladder tried to kill me – twice. It now resides in my son’s garage – he is strong enough to handle it. I ordered a less fancy fiberglass Werner from Amazon Prime.

    This is all to say that I am so frustrated that I cannot do the things I could do 5 years ago, much less 20. Hands not strong enough, get worn out too quickly. Like you I have tackled bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchens with some success – now I have to pay for help…..

    So, slow down and take a deep breath – let your fingers heal – then get back to it. Because you will not be able to do it forever.

  7. Being a Mom is the hardest job isn’t it? To feel guilt, sadness, frustration, even anger – sometimes you just have to sit on the pain, and from that comes growth and even wisdom. Use your talents all the way up in whatever way makes your soul burn with joy, whether it be painting, mothering, gardening…..what ever makes you feel alive. Best wishes.

  8. I so get where you’re coming from! I look at DIY blogs and just scratch my head. It’s so much work. I sadly know I could never do it. If I were you, I’d put my energy into the beautiful and unique pet portraits you do. Then I’d use that money to hire people to come in and do they heavy lifting.

    I want to see more of your art and beautiful design sense. I want to see you show us more and more of that. I want someone else to tear apart and patch together your bathrooms!

    -Carli 🙂

  9. I think we all have those moments. I know I do.

    And there are times when you just throw in the towel and call in back up. We’ve definitely done that and more than once.

  10. Wow. This rings so true. We just spent the last 9 days installing flooring. This job should have taken a weekend. But, of course, there were different opinions and different methods and arguments… 🙁 Through it all, the kids were sent back and forth to the Bagster with armfuls of scraps and trash. At one point, I thought, I hate this. Hate this house, hate this project and hate the whining, complaining and moaning. I felt like the lowest human being. And the guilt meter starts rolling. I try to plan free weekends and time spent as a family. I respect that they would rather play video games with friends, read a book or watch a movie. It would be nice if I got a break, too. My free time is catching up the laundry, paying bills and feeding farm animals. *sigh*

    1. This is so incredibly validating!!! Thank you fro sharing!!!I have been painting the bathroom all day, grumbling but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel…all I can think is…’I am on that sofa for the Oscars!!”
      xo

  11. We are women! I think it’s just part of it. I remember such guilt after yelling at my daughter for something or another when I was so exhausted. But she’ll be 39 next month and we are the best of friends in spite of it! The DIY projects continue (slowly) and so does the anxiety. Our children know that we love them and yours will grow up proud of the fabulous artist that you are and the beautiful comfortable home they live in. Take a bubble bath and treat yourself to some decadent chocolate! All will be better. If not tomorrow, then the next.

  12. Oh – You spoke for me!!! We are always working on a project, running here, there and everywhere and I feel the kids are short changed. There are arguments and I feel terrible after I have yelled at the kids. I need to work full time to help pay the household bills as my husband is working 14 hour (minimum) days to pay the mortgage on the farm. At the same time, I need to stay home with my kids. They need me so much. I am at a loss. I love photography but I have not felt inspired to take photos. If I could just get motivated and maybe I could actually earn some money so I could at least stay home part time.

    Thank you for your honest post. I hope you know that you are not alone. You reminded me that I am not alone. Thank you!!! I hope you feel better soon.

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